Marriage, it is one of the major milestones in any person’s life. It essentially marks the beginning of the second half of life, where one leaves their family to start their own. When you finally get to say, “I, John Doe, take you, Jane Doe, to be my lawfully wedded wife, … until death do us part.”
In most cases, we would all agree that saying these vows often leaves us feeling fulfilled and happy. Yes! It usually seems like one of those “happily ever after” fairy tales, but that’s not always the case. Contrary to the early years where marriages were strictly the “Till death do us part” type of commitments, nowadays, wedding vows seem to have lost meaning in many ways.
Normally, no one, in their right mind and pure sincerity, gets into a marriage knowing that they are going to divorce their partner after a while. To most couples, it is usually a lifelong commitment. So, that begs the questions: Why is it that these days it is no surprise to see a couple filing for a divorce a few months after tying the knot? Is commitment becoming a hard ask or is today’s generation losing the ability to communicate with each other? Before we dive into learning how to fix a broken marriage, we must first look at the causes of failure:
What causes marriages to break?
There are many factors that push couples to give up on their commitment. The sad truth about unhappy marriages is that most of the issues that drive the couple to divorce usually start as small concerns. These concerns, if not rectified at an early stage, end up growing onto the marriage like Cancer. Unfortunately, most couples wait until their marriage is damaged beyond repair to start trying to fix things. Below is a list of the most common factors that lead to failed marriages;
- Skepticism -Trust is a major pillar in every marriage. Without it, your commitment to each other becomes questionable and therefore creating an unhealthy marriage environment.
- Unfaithfulness – It goes without saying that infidelity is the number one cause of failed marriages. Once a couple goes down this road, fixing their relationship is usually an uphill climb.
- Deception – Choosing to spend the rest of your life with someone means you open up all your doors. Through this, they get to learn you inside out. If your partner senses that you are deceiving them or withholding things from them, it may cultivate an unwanted feeling of mistrust and detachment.
- Lack of Intimacy – Intimacy is one of the key components that fuel healthy relationship. Without it, a marriage can become tasteless and boring. This is what drives some people into infidelity.
- Poor communication – communication is vital for the survival of any relationship. It keeps you informed about your partner’s well-being, their state of mind, moods, and troubles. Excellent communication often leads to stronger marriages and proper understanding of your spouse. This helps you to know what, when and how to say and do things. It also proves to them that you still care and love them.
- Lack of children – Marriage without kids is like a fancy car without windshields – it’s fun during the summer but terrible during winter. Likewise, having no children may seem okay at first, but at some point, one if not both couples will want to have kids. If you are unable to get kids, your marriage may gradually fail.
The list of factors that drive marriages into a halt is quite long. The ones mentioned above are just the most common ones. That brings us to the main question:
How do you fix your broken marriage?
When your marriage is on the rocks, and you are looking for ways to reignite the spark, there are some tips and tricks you can use to win your spouse back. Below are some pointers on how to repair a marriage:
1. Go back to the Beginning!
To mend your broken marriage, you must start by going back to the version of yourself that your spouse fell in love with. Start doing what you used to do when you were in dating. You will be surprised at how effective these tactics can be. This is because it helps your partner to remember who they fell in love with. It is a fact that marriage life is not a walk in the park, and as time goes by, your spouse may start looking at you in a whole new perspective – one that is not that appealing. That’s why it is always good to remind them of who they fell in love with.
2. Take your time to Listen!
Once you notice that your marriage is on a downward binge, then it is always an excellent idea to talk to your spouse. Doing that means that you get to hash things out eventually reaching common ground. Speaking and, most importantly, listening proves to your spouse that you are still into them and that still care deeply about their feelings and day to day run-ins. It will also help you to know of anything that displeases your spouse that needs to change. That way you will both be able to let out any toxic emotions and feelings that usually accumulate over time.
3. Be Intimate and spend Quality Time Together!
They say, “time heals all wounds.” That’s quite correct! Spending more time with you spouse may actually help in fixing what’s broken. Most marriages fail because spouses get carried away with their work and other commitments that they fail to pay attention to their better half. That feeling of loneliness and neglection can be extremely toxic for any marriage. Try to find time to do something that you both enjoy doing on a regular basis. Also, remember to be as intimate as you were when you first met. Kiss, touch, hug and make love spontaneously just the way you used to when you were dating.
4. Change for the better!
Most marriages fail because spouses are reluctant to change some of the vices and flaws they have. Yes, it is true that loving someone means loving them just the way they are, BUT it also means you should also be ready to sacrifice some of your fantasies for the happiness of your spouse. Aim to please! Be the best version of yourself, and you can rest assured your spouse will never have a reason to leave.
5. Seek Professional Help!
Sometimes it helps a lot to involve a professional in the whole process. Having a third opinion means that you will be able to see things from three different points of view – that is yours, your spouse’s and you marriage counselor’s opinions. It helps a lot to have a third party involved, that way they would be able to point out some flaws and issues that you and your partner can’t note. Also, seeing as these professionals are usually well trained, they’ll be able to offer you sound advice on what you can do to salvage your marriage.
6. Remember your VOWS!
Lastly, both you and your spouse should take some time to remember your vows. Remember why you got together in the first place. Remember why you agreed to get married. Remember everything that made your spouse so much better than the rest. By doing this and reciting your vows to each other, you are bound to reignite the spark that made you one. Never forget your promises!
7. Be Fully Committed to Fixing Your Marriage!
You have to bear in mind that learning a few pointers and tricks on how to save a marriage does not guarantee that your marriage is going to recover. In fact, all the tips and tricks mentioned above won’t work unless you are fully committed to mending your relationship. You have to show and prove that you want your marriage to get back on track. Strive to dedicate enough time to your relationship, be there for your spouse, listen and understand, contribute a few things that you also feel are killing your marriage because you can never determine the antidote to your marriage until you are sure about the poison killing it.
Remember, you must be ready and prepared to fight for your marriage for it to work again. Mending a broken marriage is a 2-way street meaning that both you and your spouse must equally fight for its survival in tears and in happiness, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, UNTIL DEATH DO YOU PART!