It is a hard time for you when you are the only one who is saving your marriage. You feel helpless, frustrating and mind consuming. You really want to save your marriage but your spouse wants out, you are lost on saving a marriage. You don’t know how can you save your marriage even don’t know even if it is possible.
You will feel even worse when your spouse keep repeating to tell you it is over. Your spouse gets mad when you talk about it. Sometimes he plays it very emotion, he yells out shout at you. Sometimes he or she showing a difference face with no emotion. But the message he want to tell is the same, it is not possible for you to repair it, you are making things worse and pushing me to leave you.
The one you once loved, but treats you like enemy now. You no longer feel any love in your heart. You terminate to every kindness in your heart: a smile, a hug even a nice word. You feel an pain in your heart that is hard to explain. It follows you in the day and wakes you up during your sleep… If you can fall asleep.
You want to save your marriage but things always go to the opposite way. What’s the wrong wit saving a marriage? What makes it worse and you wonder are there any miracle or magic to save marriage? Yes, you are making things worse and no, there are no magic to do this. Your spouse probably right about you are pushing her away. Does means that there is no hope to save my marriage and I can only accept the reality?
So am I contradicting myself? I will explain.
What You Should Avoid
1. Quit Too Early
Some of your friends, even some marriage experts may remind you you can quit and may tell you that’s exactly you should do. You should move on and accept what has happened. From my aspect of experience, I saw many marriage saved which are claimed to be impossible. If your spouse leaves you finally, you can give up and find a path to a new life and start new relationship.
However, most of people quit too early. The result of accepting your marriage is failed usually lead to emotion or physically shut out to your spouse. It will not bring you spouse back and will shut the possibility to save your marriage. No matter how hard it is to save your marriage, do not give up hope easily.
2. Begging Your Spouse Back
You can tell him/her how much you love her/him, you can beg for forgiveness, or even yelling you “can not live with out you”. It is understandable given how much you love your spouse and don’t want to lose him/her. But it won’t work. These sorts of things, all of it, won’t work and will make things worse.
Actually, begging, wishing and pleasing will only make your spouse leave you faster. You can persuade your spouse back, tell he or her you needs to drive your spouse back. Your spouse can only be attracted by you. Think it this way, would you like to stay with people who is falls apart, cries, begging, and wishes. The compassion from your spouse won’t help you to keep your spouse, not for long. The long term relationship is build up on the bottom of attraction. Even your emotion is natural and is caused by the deep love to your spouse, but it won’t help you to save your marriage and you may need to control it a bit more.
3. Listen to Her Demands
I am not kidding to you. I am totally serious about it. Listen to him or her and follow your partner’s instructions won’t help you to save your marriage. I saw too many of this. Some people who do not seek right help and try to fix marriage by themselves. They are too worried about the departure of their spouse and satisfy every demand from their spouse. For many reasons, people will do this. It maybe because of the love, or the threaten from the angry spouse who may take the children or bring financial problems. It is very common but useless. The manipulation from you spouse will limit your action and lowest the difficulty of their departure.
What Will Work
1. Stay there for longer
Most people quit too early. Lots of people regret that are have given up too early. I have seen much of these cases. Although you know give up will not help. But I can understand the pain when you hang in their. This kind of ache in your heart, many would no go any further or longer. But don’t give up hope no matter how hart you try, because hope is the only thing you have when the road of your marriage get bump. There is skills and methods to save, but none of them will exist if you quit trying. Staying there for a bit longer, and find the right way to save your marriage will add your chance to your success.
2. Work On Your Attraction
You can be more attractive in at least four aspects. physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual. As I told, begging your spouse or anything like that will not help to win your spouse back. The only thing you should focus on is improve your attraction to your spouse.
It doesn’t mean that you can skip a gym when you are married. Keep a good body shape is still very helpful to improve your physical attraction. Besides, your emotion and spiritual score will be better if you work out more often. No matter what age your are, physical attraction is always important to your spouse.
What’s the last time you raise up a book and read some lines of words? It is said like people are like a book. It will not attract any person without any good content. So reading some good book is a helpful way to fresh your mind and get some new ideas. Your spouse will be interested in your intelligent fresh mind. Who will like to stay with a person you know 20 years ago. So get your mind refreshed will be a good way.
Emotion attraction is referring to make your spouse have good feeling, such as make he or she laugh, feel safe, romantic and so on. You have to create memorable experience with your spouse that makes both of you feel good. On the other hand, the argument, worry and fight between both of you will reduce the emotion attraction. You can try to make him/her happy but be careful with the manipulation. You are not made to satisfy every requirement of your spouse.
If you and your spouse share a lot of things in common or hold same value, that’s the spirit attraction. You do not need to own same religion belief to have spirit attraction, just hold some similar values will do. Remember what attracts your spouse at first and keep that part of yourself with you. Besides, try the be the best of you and live up your spiritual state.
3. Show Your Acceptance
Your fully acceptance to your spouse is very important to your relationship. Every soul wish to find another soul that unconditionally accept it. Human’s souls are vulnerable, they are afraid of abandon since the childhood and won’t go away when human grows. When a person feels he is really accepted as who he is – rather than partially accepted – he feels truly loved.
Your spouse leaves you because you are not satisfied with something, you are not ready to accept what he or her really is. If you understand what she feels and accept without pointing out or arguing something is wrong with her feel, you will develop relationship again.
Admit it, this is easier to say than done. You are not going to accept all the feeling of your spouse and won’t understand everything he or she is doing, otherwise, you marriage will need no salvage. But you still need to try this because it works! It is doing very well to be the best friend of your spouse and let him or her talk almost everything to you.
Will these methods work for everyone? I have seen a lot of success with above methods and it works most of the time. But we both know not every time. This is a process and a solution, it’s not magic. You are the one who is going to save your marriage. The problems will not be solved right away but it will going to the right direction if you work on it. Saving a marriage it not easy and it is time and efforts costing. Luckily, you may save your marriage and bring you spouse back to you in the end. It depends your action and how much love is remaining.